Every year I make the resolution to get thin, slim down, lose inches, fit into my old jeans. Every year I fail to do so. I’ve always wondered why. I thought maybe because I don’t exercise, I eat a lot, it’s in my genes, blah blah blah. It’s only through the years of wondering that I’ve come to realize, despite reading numerous fitspiration stories, that to become fit, you have to embrace the idea of being fit. I never gave my psychological state towards fitness a second thought. I know that I want to slim down but somehow can’t or WON’T.
So I asked myself the question: What is my relationship with food? And I’ve come up with the following simplified answers.
I have always considered myself fat. Fat is familiar to me. And maybe this is the reason I don’t slim down. I don’t know slim. I don’t know thin. I don’t know fit. And I’m afraid of it.
If I don’t get to eat what I want, I feel oppressed. If I’m told I can’t eat what I want, I feel repressed. And so, I lash out. By eating everything in sight.
I get headaches when I don’t eat much. I don’t know why. I’ve never gone to the doctor and asked about it. I have accepted that I get headaches when I don’t eat much. It’s part of me. I hate headaches, therefore, I eat much.
I love food. The look, the smell, the taste, the texture. I love the act of eating. It comes naturally, I’ve been doing it all my life. And so I compromise myself so as not to miss out.
I am generally a polite person. I also like trying stuff. And so, I don’t turn down food when it’s offered to me.
So, what is my relationship with food? I LOVE FOOD. But I also wonder if it is a love borne out of fear. Fear of the unknown, oppression, pain, missing out and social conformity.
They always did say that the things you love are also the things that can bring you down.